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Sunday, April 01, 2012

Hoof Blog's April 1 News Roundup: Headlines from Hoofcare + Lameness

by Fran Jurga | 1 April 2012 | Fran Jurga's Hoof Blog 


Here's a roundup of headlines from news stories in progress as of April 1, 2012:

HOOF ANATOMY BOOKS RECALLED AS ERROR FOUND: “It’s not a digital cushion, it’s more like an entire sofa,” says leading professor about that softest of all soft tissue structures within hoof. “And the lateral cartilages? Think of them as end tables. With lamps, if the horse has a sidebone." (April 1, 2012)

MUSTAD LAUNCHES NEW PRODUCT: World’s first nail-on hoof boot to be introduced at Kentucky Derby. “Nails are news again!” crow Mustad executives as sales soar. "This product has something for everyone!" (April 1, 2012)

SELF-REPAIRING HOOF IMPLANT: Vettec laboratories report that they have cracked the code on urethane molecular implants for equine hoof wall, guaranteed to repair cracks before they occur. “Wall transplants are next,” they promise, as worldwide search begins for horses with high quality hoof walls to become wall donors at time of death. As we went to press, they were still looking. (April 1, 2012)

Gopher Blacksmith

FIRST OFFICIAL OLYMPIC HOOF TRIMMER TO BE NAMED: The proposed global shoe ban by the FEI is expected to be in place by the 2012 London Olympics this summer, although horses are expected to be able to compete with shoes if accompanied by veterinary prescription. (April 1, 2012)

Horses
American corporations are developing
new policies requiring horse commuter
 employees to clean up after their horses in the
parking lot. "Now we know what those double
lines are for," employees remarked.

“WANTED” HORSE CRISIS PEAKS IN USA: As gas passes $10 per gallon, horse demand soars. “Everyone wants one,” moans auctioneer at New Holland (PA) sale. “And no one’s selling!” Rescue farms are now forced to mow their empty pastures. Equine meat-packing industry advocates charge that the rising gas prices are all a ploy by the anti-slaughter crowd. (April 1, 2012)

AFA BOARD MEMBER ARRESTED EN ROUTE TO OFFICERS RETREAT: “Buddhist Colony? I thought they said the retreat was at a NUDIST Colony!” cries naked farrier in self-defense to state police when pulled over in rural Kentucky for driving in the nude through the gates of the Tron Chri Trim Spa and Retreat. Meanwhile, the American Farrier's Association office has received a Feng Shui makeover to stimulate positive chi. “We should have done this years ago,” hum harmonious directors while practicing yoga poses in matching CJF-embroidered prayer robes. “Who are you calling a downward dog?” snarl disgruntled ex-members, meanwhile, from website chat room. (April 1, 2012)

VET SCHOOL FARRIERS ANNOUNCES NEW CONFERENCE: “Hoof Diseases We Haven’t Heard Of Yet” is the title of the 6th Annual Conference of University Veterinary Teaching Hospital Farriers. When asked who would be speaking, farriers answer, “We don’t know yet. That’s the whole point.” (April 1, 2012)

Sisters in Steel

FARRIER APRONS SOLD OUT: Madonna’s on-stage costume based on her new line of provocative farrier aprons sends stock flying out of farrier supply stores. “I prefer used ones. I love the smell of burnt hoof,” purrs superstar singer. Myron McLane is smiling. (April 1, 2012)

“BREAKOVER: IT’S SO OVER!” Gathered academics at international equine locomotion meeting decide it’s really breakUNDER since fashionably short, blunt toes now dominate sport and racing. “The toes have been bred right off these horses,” veterinarians concur. Farriers threaten international strike: “There’s nothing to trim!” they moan. “Long toes were job security!” (April 1, 2012)

“I CAN GET A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP AT LAST!” England’s Queen Elizabeth announces after issuing a royal decree banning steel horseshoes on cavalry mounts guarding Buckingham Palace. “Those shoes clattering on the cobblestones wouldn’t let me sleep through the night,” she admitted, who has suffered from insomnia since her coronation 60 years ago but didn’t want to be viewed as anti-horse on any front. EasyCare has reportedly changed the name of its newest boot to "EasyZ" in hopes of winning the contract and raceplate manufacturers are offering their "Queen's Plate" models in urethane. (April 1, 2012)

We hope you enjoyed this special April 1st news roundup.

(Marathon photo courtesy of onion.com; farrier gopher by Josh Grant; horse is a parking lot by cadfael1979. Farrier apron by Sisters in Steel.)
 

april fools 2010



© Fran Jurga and Hoofcare Publishing; Fran Jurga's Hoof Blog is a between-issues news service for subscribers to Hoofcare and Lameness Journal. Please, no use without permission. You only need to ask. This blog may be read online at the blog page, checked via RSS feed, or received via a digest-type email (requires signup in box at top right of blog page). To subscribe to Hoofcare and Lameness (the journal), please visit the main site, www.hoofcare.com, where many educational products and media related to equine lameness and hoof science can be found. Questions or problems with this blog? Send email to blog@hoofcare.com.  
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Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any direct compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned, other than Hoofcare Publishing. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

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